G's Journal

1:23am: Hmm
Everytime I think about posting to LJ, and granted it's rare now, there's always some song that sums it up so much better than I ever could. So, once again, more song lyrics...

Tool - Lateralus

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more
and beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.

Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.

Spiral out. Keep going, going...

2:31pm: Yeah, baby!
A Perfect Circle

Lyrics For 3 Libras

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see,
See through it all,
See through,
And see you.

So I threw you the obvious
Do you see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me at all

6:49pm: Re:
Linkin Park Lyrics



Pushing Me Away

I’ve lied / to you
The same way that I always do
This is / the last smile
That I’ll fake for the sake of being with you

Everything falls apart / even the people who never frown / eventually break down
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Everything has to end / you’ll soon find we’re out of time left / to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
I’ve tried / like you
To do everything you wanted too
This is / the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you

Everything falls apart / even the people who never frown / eventually break down
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Everything has to end / you’ll soon find we’re out of time left / to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away

Were all out of time / this is how we learn how it all unwinds
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Were all out of time / this is how we learn how it all unwinds
The sacrifice is never knowing why...

Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
pushes me away

8:35pm: Yeah!!
Tool - Aenima lyrics
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

Silly shit, stupid shit...

One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.

Learn to swim.

Fuck L Ron Hubbard and
Fuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

Fuck retro anything.
Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memory.

Learn to swim.

Fuck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down.

12:13am: May Party!
Welp, it's finally official, the Go-Rilla WILL be at the upcoming party. I'd like to thank all my loving fans for their continued devotion and love and look forward to seeing you all in the follwoing week or so. Then we can all bask in the glory that is Go-rilla.

*/ok, enough ego \*

I'm gonna get to go to the ball! I'm so happy! =)

11:35pm: Weird dreams
Welp, I've seen quite a few dream entries from my friends here and wanted to take the time to put up one that I had last night. Me having dreams isn't unusual. Me having a dream that I actually remember more than 5 mins after waking up is unusual. Me having a dream that I still remember almost a day after has only happened 3-4 times in my life and they still haunt me. That being said, here's the one I had last night...

Me and a group of faceless people were driving up a local road here, KY44E. We drove up this road for quite a long time, through horrendous rain and wind, into Ohio. We eventually came to our stopping point on the banks of Lake Eerie.

(I'd like to take a moment and show how weird this part was to me because 1.) I didn't know until just 5 mins ago that this road DOES actually go into Ohio eventually. I've just moved here and it was just a local road as far as I knew before research. 2.) I also didn't know, and make fun if you like, that Ohio actually does border one of the Great Lakes. Geography isn't one of my strong points. =P)

Now as I said before, all of the people that I was with (and I get the impression we were on a bus or some such) I didn't know. I also got the impression that these weren't good people to be with. Thieves, killers, bikers, rapists, etc. The general feel from them was malevolent and IDOCH (Insert Deity of Choice Here) knows why I was with them. Everyone in the group had their own ratty log cabin to sleep in by the lake and everyone retired for the night. When I woke up the next morning the group found out that one of our number was murdered in the night. He was found by the banks of the lake with his throat, not cut, torn out. One of the things that made me think that this group was a seedy bunch was that no one really seemed to take this amiss. The body was dumped in the lake and that was that.

The next night I stayed awake, watching out my window, and caught some strange movement coming from a barn (of all things) that was in the same campground as our wood cabins. Who knows why there was a barn there, but it was scary as shit to me. Knocking around outside the barn was another male member of the "group." He was immediately snatched up by what I also immediately knew as a vampire. This wasn't one of those androgynous, Anne Rice vampires that walks around and bemoans their cursed immortality either. This was one of the hideous, From Dusk Til Dawn vampires that rips your head off and lathers itself in your arterial spray. The vampire proceeded to mutilate this guy into pieces while feasting. I was utterly terrified when I was spotted peeking out of the window.

(Another break in. I'm not really a religious type of person. I was raised Catholic but don't really believe in the Christian idea of "God" anymore.)

I rushed to the nightstand by my bed in this cabin and there was, how cliche', a Bible. As I said I'm not very religious, but there's a good quote I heard once, "There are no atheists in foxholes" and I was praying like a mad son of a bitch, to a God I don't even believe in in my waking life, for salvation. I was blessing my Diet Mt. Dew bottle just like I've seen my old priest do the Communion, making crosses out of pencils, etc and all the while holding that Bible like a lifeline. I backed into the corner, opposite the door and windows, with my meager protections and waited, terrified.

At this point I woke up safe in my bed with my heart beating so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I very literally was unable to move for a minute or two I was so terrified. Eventually my breathing slowed, my heartbeat returned to normal, and my body relaxed. The only good part about nightmares like that is the wonderful sense of calm and safety that comes when you realize it was all a dream. This one scared the shit out of me, I remember it clearly even 12 hours later, so I thought I'd post it. After that I just went back to sleep and probably had my normal porno-dream-montage. Who knows =).